Ants in my pants ...

I'm antsy ... like bits of my soul got infected by poison ivy and I just can't get at the itch. Sleep has not come easily since Saturday ... I lay there not so much thinking as mulling, twisting and turning this way and that ...

Not quite sure what's eating at me ... for sure I'm missing Nicole who was accosted by (and I quote) an unemployed, married, bicycle-riding Turkish man in a cafe yesterday ... he professed his undying love, tried to grab some non-Turkish delights and proceeded to spook her silly by following her to the bus stop. And here I am across the ocean, unable to really put her mind at ease ... sure I typed the necessary precautionary messages ... and yet I could sense her tension, her uneasiness. It seems what troubled her the most was the dozen or so people who watched unperturbed as she raised her voice and pushed the man forcibly from her ...

... and then maybe I'm fretting over Kyla who lives in her own version of life ... a rather simple bubble of fun and games ... chasing boyfriends and daydreams ... and then she wants to talk about moving out. So Kyla how much money have you put away? I ask ... and that look rolls over her face ... the look that answers back ... why nothing ...

or perhaps it's the fact that none of us have heard from Will in a month or so ...

or again it could be all about J ... CAMH is pushing for a release ... we can't find accomodation that is suitable ... so he may be returning home. That's not a terrible thing but I keep wondering if it's simply a step backwards. Got a meeting at 11 AM to talk with his treatment staff ... that's always a bucket full of laughs ...

... and then there's work ... no direct supervisor in place ... set adrift to do my own thing within the most political of any nonprofit I've ever worked for ... maybe it's time to look for another contract ...

... and Dave ... still so sad ... lost ... his brother Mike is here almost everyday ... just as sad, just as lost ...

... or could it be the inner travels and diggings I've found myself doing ... in search of truth whatever that may be ...

couldn't be ...