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Words to the wise ...

Sunday, October 16, 2011
Do not believe everything you think.

Signed up for an inspirational thought a day ... and this was what I found in my inbox today! Words to live by :)

you may not see them but the bars ARE there

Friday, October 14, 2011
It sucks that I have no one to blame but myself ... it's so much more fun to be able to feel all high and mighty while pointing the finger haughtily towards someone else, then wiping my hands clean and proceeding with life smug in my holier-than-thou attitude.

Alas ... that no longer sits very well with me. So instead I'm stuck looking at life through these bars I fashioned over the last 50 years, realizing that though I have finally found the keys ... it's not quite time to escape or get over to the other side yet.

Musical memories are coming back ... favourite song lyrics ... today it rained a misty kind of rain and I wanted to go and stand on the deck and get wet ... but I didn't. I want to blare Bon Jovi and dance around the house ... just to feel my body moving like that and to sing lyrics that are like old best friends. I want to crunch through fallen leaves and pick pumpkins and drink spiced cider. I want to throw back my head in laughter and enjoy the sights, smells and feel of autumn (my favourite season). But I have to be careful.

I can't rock the boat ... I can't rain more misfortune down upon my head and Stefani's and J's. I've found myself again (hello ... you look familiar) but I can only let a tiny piece of her out ... or I have to wait until HE is gone to let her out and then I have to tuck her back in really, really fast so that he doesn't know, doesn't sense, doesn't react.

It sucks.

To live in truth

Friday, October 7, 2011
I've struggled with this concept for a long time.
I've had a hard time accepting and recognizing truth as it IS for me without being swayed by the opinions of a trusted few or by my own clever self-analysis which can turn anything into swiss cheese.
Every now and again ... for a moment ... like this one, I can see clearly that truth simply IS. No explanations necessary, it is what it is. It may defy logic, it may not fit in any boxes, grooves or holes ... it may even be discounted by others. But the fact remains that the truth of our own "me-ness", the truth of the situations we find ourselves in, the options available to us are only known to us. All we can behold is our own truth.
Your truth is not my truth ... and we have a bond, a relationship or an interaction ... your truth is your truth, my truth is my truth ... and the interaction's truth remains the interaction's truth. Neither you nor I can totally comprehend, see or grasp that interaction's truth. It is not ours to see or know.
All we have is ourselves, our truths, our light, our responsibilities.
The quest to understand beyond that is wasted time, especially if we seek an absolute. There is no absolute outside of ourselves.

It's a miracle any of us get along at all. And, the fact that we do at times, get along and laugh and cry and celebrate or mourn together for a moment, a day, 10 years IS the miracle of life and love.

The answers are all inside ... the truth lies in your heart and soul. You ... I need to look inside, not outside for the answers, for the peace, for the love.
Validation only comes from self REALLY.

So I sit here this morning ... looking at my truth. It's ugly and tattered and torn and covered in shit. It doesn't look pretty, it doesn't smell pretty ... but it's my truth. And living this moment grounded in MY reality is ultimately better than all those moments flitting 10 feet above the ground, soaring on a windswell (that eventually dies and crashes me to the ground)

No matter how terrible HERE may be ... it is "better" than up there, over there, under there, above there ...

Because only from HERE ... living in truth ... can I be grateful for the little things, only from HERE can I hear the birds sing and break into a smile because the sun feels nice on my face.

I must remember that HERE ... will always be better than there.

the whole world revealed

Tuesday, October 4, 2011
There is no controlling life. Try corralling a lightening bolt, containing a tornado. Dam a stream, and it will create a new channel. Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet. Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground. The only safety lies in letting it all in- the wild with the weak; fear, fantasies, failure and success. When loss rips off the doors of the heart, or sadness veils your vision with despair, practice becomes simply bearing the truth. In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.
Danna Faulds