It sucks that I have no one to blame but myself ... it's so much more fun to be able to feel all high and mighty while pointing the finger haughtily towards someone else, then wiping my hands clean and proceeding with life smug in my holier-than-thou attitude.
Alas ... that no longer sits very well with me. So instead I'm stuck looking at life through these bars I fashioned over the last 50 years, realizing that though I have finally found the keys ... it's not quite time to escape or get over to the other side yet.
Musical memories are coming back ... favourite song lyrics ... today it rained a misty kind of rain and I wanted to go and stand on the deck and get wet ... but I didn't. I want to blare Bon Jovi and dance around the house ... just to feel my body moving like that and to sing lyrics that are like old best friends. I want to crunch through fallen leaves and pick pumpkins and drink spiced cider. I want to throw back my head in laughter and enjoy the sights, smells and feel of autumn (my favourite season). But I have to be careful.
I can't rock the boat ... I can't rain more misfortune down upon my head and Stefani's and J's. I've found myself again (hello ... you look familiar) but I can only let a tiny piece of her out ... or I have to wait until HE is gone to let her out and then I have to tuck her back in really, really fast so that he doesn't know, doesn't sense, doesn't react.
It sucks.
Six Word Saturday #424
6 years ago
2 comments to you may not see them but the bars ARE there:
hey, isn't this the public blog anyone can stumble across?...
living dangerously?...
the first step to fixing anything is figuring out what is broken and it really doesn't matter who is responsible (unless you need to go through the process of accepting responsibility and forgiving and in that case, make it quick, will ya?), what matters most honesty, openly accepting what is, and then doing what needs to be done to make it better...
gee wiz, that's so cold and clinical... mr. spock would be proud... dr. spock, however, might raise an eyebrow... dr. suess, on the other hand, would probably be amused and write a brilliant rhyming children's story with strange illustrations and a cleverly disguised profound moral lesson, or something like that...
naturally dr. suess is my first choice...
i always wanted to do to girls (or at least one girl) what bon jovi does to them... i've got the magic in me, just never really let it out... silly shy child i am, huh?...
i hated the song 'physical' when it first came out and now, years later, i would love someone to let me see their body talk...
of course you have to hide... he'd fall crazy in love with her if she came out and then he'd hate the fact that you had that power over him... talk about love-hate...
patience, dear little o0ne, patience, dear friend, patience beautiful woman-child eager to be born, be safe first you will become yourself as you should...
even here/there :)
;)
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