Lollipop Lint

So much going on in my head. Umpteen voices and thoughts ... and shards and slivers and shimmers of others ... vying for attention, wanting to be heard ... arms outstretched (if thoughts have arms) clamoring as they beg "pick me, pick me" ...

I'm sure if I woke up one day and there weren't as many voices and thoughts and opinions and lists and advice "up there" ... I'd be worried. I'm sure there are those who might think that I should be worried now ... hearing voices is not typically seen as a sign of mental health.

I think it is ... those voices and thoughts ... prove to me each and every morning that I am still alive the way I want to be ... questioning and seeking and thinking ... not accepting "face value" at "face value" ...

but ...

Being a fence-sitter, straddler whatever you might call it by nature ... I sometimes freeze at the thought of selecting one of those thoughts for further review, thought, ponderage. (I mean, I wouldn't want to make the other thoughts feel left out ... or less worthy, now would I?) And sometimes, when I drum up the necessary motivation to pick one from the herd ... it's entwined and emmeshed in so many other thoughts and possibilities that I find myself leaning back in my chair, throwing my head back and laughing ... at the sheer impracticality of it all ... never enough time.

I may not have ADHD in "real-time" physical life space ... but I'm a true ADHD basket case in the corridors of my mind ... my thoughts flit this way and that ... opening doors, peeking in, bookmarking and post-it-noting all kinds of quotes and lines and thoughts and books and articles ... for later review of course. Later rarely comes ... because by the time "later" comes, I've already moved on to "right now" and right now there's all kinds of new doors, threads and vistas to examine ... however superficially.

Examine may be a misnomer ... more like a taste ... nah, not even a taste ... more a lick to see if the flavour is instantly unpleasant or is welcome for another lick ...

Like an absent-minded child, I then throw that lollipop into the "to be licked again later" pile ... and move forward to the next shiny object in front of me ...

Is it any wonder that when I do return to the pile ... I find the lollipops all covered in bits and pieces of other lollipops and fuzzy from lint?