The Principal's Office

... as I went to take a seat - she exclaimed, "Oh don't sit there, you won't fit" ... and as I sat myself down, rather comfortably might I add ... she tittered, "Oh ... what I meant was that's where the bad kids usually sit."

Should I read something into the fact that the chair I selected (and there were more than three to choose from) was the favorite chair of those facing the Principal for disciplinary reasons?

Regardless ... today I faced the Principal not because I'd been bad or I'd been summoned ... but because I finally felt the need to stand up for my child. To champion her rights and talk about things not easily fixed because they take too much time, are beyond the full control of the school, the Principal, the teachers ... which speak to "Lord of the Flies" and human nature ... not the beauty but the ugly side ...

Stefani is a gentle young girl ... with strong personal convictions of what is right and what is wrong. Instinctively she turns the other cheek, shares and strives to make others feel welcome, warm and cared for. Stefani is gentle and kind. That does not mean Stefani is a push-over, nor does it mean that she is a follower.

And therein lies the problem.

She will not follow ... when others are rude. She will not stay silent when others are hurt. She will not retaliate when others are cruel.

And this ... the fact alone that she has not until yesterday ever resorted to the other side's tactics ... has marked her, ostracized her, determined her often "outcast" status.

Yesterday, when being reprimanded by a school mate that she was not allowed to talk alone with another girl, when she was told that the other girl wanted to play with the person she was talking to and therefore needed to remove herself ... Stefani "exploded" ... not much of an explosion by this world's standards. But Stefani described it as an explosion and she felt shame. Shame for what you ask ... shamed that she uttered the words, "I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."

No big deal, right? Just school yard dramas which will be forgotten someday ...

I don't think so ... what happened next is the girl in question, the one trying so hard to dictate to Stefani what she should do and how to do it and when she can be friends with people and when she can't ... the leader of the pack who has been doing this for more than 2 years now ... this young girl went and complained to her teacher about how Stefani had hurt her feelings.

Enter a teacher who listened to one side of the story ... made Stefani miss a recess and reprimanded her for losing her cool, hurting someone's feelings ...

Stefani ... did not stand up for herself ... her own ideals dictated that losing her cool and saying mean things was wrong regardless of the situation ... and she listened and nodded and agreed to "be nicer" ...

So today ... I faced the Principal ... not expecting a whole lot to be done ... but if nothing else to have the record set straight that Stefani TOO has a right to say "no more" ... to stick up for herself ... and that as adults we need to ensure that we understand the context before we single out and pass judgement ...

For that teacher yesterday ... told a gentle kind girl that it was okay that others bullied and made life difficult ... but that she needed to be nicer ...

Made a "victim" responsible ...

Can you hear my anger and frustration behind these words? It's not trivial school yard dramas that are soon forgotten ...

these are dogs eating dogs eating dogs ... and personalities and self esteems being built and shattered and broken ...