It looks like a duck, walks like a duck ...

... so it must be a duck right?

So okay ... I'm going to let myself believe that spring has sprung based on the last three days of incredible weather. Once again, another day has dawned bright and sunny and warm. I am always amazed at how spring-time sun always seems like a new discovery after a harsh, cold, dim Canadian winter. Like the buds on the trees ... or the crocuses and other early spring shoots that I know are just under the surface of the gardens around me, just waiting to poke their heads out ... I can feel spring awakening within. And it's a glorious feeling ...

So it's March Break! Stefani's home and looking forward to playing with Jessica all week. So far the week looks promising with nothing major scheduled. For the sake of riding bicycles, skipping, hopscotch and drawing ginormous chalk designs on the road ... I hope her schedule remains open!

I've been up since 6:30 ... got a report done by 9 AM. Which leaves me some time this afternoon to give voice to some of my springtime urges ... as in cleaning. I LOVE spring cleaning ... it's like a ritual of renewal.

and so it goes ...

Been up since 7 AM ... Stefani's got her headshot photo shoot today ... I've got a Strategic Issues Report due by the end of the day (yup ... you read that right ... a Sunday deadline). The week's been busy with auditions, auditions, auditions ... and then I had to find time to do all the regular stuff ... like earn a paycheque, laundry, clean, cook, be a mother to other children, be a grandmother, be a wife ...

So heed my words of caution ... if your child wants to be a star ... a singer ... an actor ... an international soccer sensation ... understand going in that the whole family's focus shifts. And sometimes it can be disorienting as hell !

No more time ... I'm off to blow dry her hair, pack the outfits, stop at an ATM on my way downtown ...

... and so it goes ...

Life goes on ...

up and down and around ... then up and down and around again.

Just following the schedule ... trying to get everything fit perfectly into each day. Stefani had a call-back for the commercial she auditioned for last week. Not quite as much fun for her this time as it was mainly a "type" go-see. Girls were seen in groups of three or more and asked to shake a bottle and then act surprised. "Thank you ... don't call us ... we'll call you!

It's a strange industry ... how anyone stays sane with all the rejection and focus on the right "look" is beyond me. So far, Stefani is doing great as she focuses on the acting (or singing) ... and when she isn't asked to act (like yesterday) she's a little bummed. And so far, the minute she leaves the audition ... it's done and gone. She's onto tomorrow.

We're getting new head shots done this weekend ... which cost a pretty penny ... but every agent requires them. Casting directors and producers make their initial choices based on headshots and the agent's recommendation ... BUT ... once into the audition process ... their black and white polaroid-like picture taken onsite is what is used to pick and choose, select and de-select.

Had a great conversation with one of the "father" actors when Stefani was in being seen ... he had noted that Stefani was not "type" yesterday ... and then explained how that was both a good thing and a bad thing. Apparently the industry, books a commercial on a narrow "type" that is being sought. But a good director will call-back two or three non-types to ensure that his /her decision was well-founded or to possibly go against type. Those non-types are usually actors who have piqued the director's curiosity or a type they personally like.

Stefani being non-type was quite apparent, once pointed out to me ... since of the 20 girls that got called back from the original 220: 18 were "pale, girl next door types, long straight hair, shy looking" ... and then there was Stefani ... and a friend of hers Eliana (who is probably one of the most gorgeous 10 year old girls I have ever met ... thick, wavy, long dark brown hair ... fine features with a touch of Spanish-like flair) ...

So much to learn ... from an industry that seems to thrive on mixed messages and secrecy and back-room shenanigans ..

Free time ...

Saturday ... usually I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off ... fitting in daily life stuff and chores, left-overs from work and Stef's workshops and/or auditions.

But Stef isn't feeling well today ... stuffed nose, slight fever and is lounging in bed resting ... and me? Well I've got a day filled with hours, minutes and seconds that I didn't think would be there when I awoke this morning ...

Whee ... hope I use them wisely!

Temperatures rising ...

16 C ... is the forecast for today ... I can smell the warmth in the air! Ahhh ... sweet blessings!
------------------

Don't know where the day went ... so okay I do: work, shopping, more work, paying bills ...

I did get a chance to get outside and enjoy the warmth, the sunshine and the absence of snow in the front yard ... but the day seemed to melt under the weight of all my "to do's".

Nic and Dave had an argument over her boyfriend (long story, same story) which didn't end well or should I say, didn't end. Nic took off for the weekend (as planned) albeit in tears ... and Dave stayed angry.

He's such a dinosaur sometimes ... and gets stuck in the "golden years" where parents said "...because I said so." ... and kids listened. Maybe that still happens ... but not in this house, I raised these children to question, to ask, to argue if need be ... to expect logic and explanation. And that sometimes drives Dave crazy.

... and the birds twitter and sing ...

... golden sunlight streams through the windows, the temperature is lazily making its way to more northern numbers (yeah!) and my mood seems to be less snow-banked as well ...

Scooters was fun last night ... there were only a handful of people so at times it felt we had the entire roller-rink to ourselves. Even Maija had a blast with her pink FisherPrice roller skates ... squealing "I can do this!" to anyone who would listen. Now that's kind of a first as her favorite sentence in the whole wide world is "I can't do it" (with the emphasis on the "can't").

--------------------------

Busy day ... lots of work and then off to a commercial audition for Stef. Good thing I left early because the office we were looking for was hidden in some decrepit industrial / auto wrecking section of Richmond Street West. Speaking of Richmond Street ... it has a split personality .. it is a one way street that decides after a while ... to become a one-way the other way! Anyways, I found a place to park (nothing short of miraculous at 4:30 in Toronto) ... and Stef and I walked the 5 or 6 zigzaggy blocks and eventually made it there.

The audition was for a product yet unknown ... and the auditions were booked by 10 minute intervals in groups of father-actor, mother-actor and child-actor. Stefani and I looked around the room and picked out who logically should have been preselected as her "parents" ... and sure enough, we were right!! Whatever happens ... she had a blast. She commented to me on the way home ... "you know Mom, it even felt like he was my Dad when we were doing the scene!" ...

... and while on "family" topics ... guess who decided out of the blue to try and reconnect with the kids after 12 years?? Aunt Linda ... I fear she's not getting the warm and fuzzy reception that she may have hoped to receive.

Unconcious Mutterings ...

1. Pain :: Advil


2. Lego :: blocks


3. Trooper :: State


4. Flicker :: flame


5. Character :: role


6. Determined :: set


7. Wing :: broken


8. Control :: freak

9. Automatic :: weapon

10. Yeah :: happy dance

Just some Unconcious Mutterings

So you want to be a rock star ...

Tried this out for some fun this morning while I procrastinated and didn't get the work I needed to get done ...

1. BAND NAME: Go to "wikipedia." Hit "random article" ...the first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

My band: Litchfield Township

2. ALBUM TITLE: Go to http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 ... the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

My album title: If Everything Depended on Man

3. COVER ART: Go to flickr and click on "explore the last sevendays"or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover

My album cover:

So ... what about you?

Straight out of our house ...

From the pages of the book I'm reading at the moment - "Still Alice" - Lisa Genova - something that definitely could have been written by me ...

"She followed his frantic glance to the fireplace mantle where the antique Waltham clock, valued for its precision, declared 8:00. He should have known better than to trust it. The clocks in their home rarely knew the real time of day. Alice had been duped too often in the past by their seemingly honest faces and had learned long ago to rely on her watch. Sure enough, she lapsed back in time as she entered the kitchen, where the microwave insisted that it was only 6:52."

Not so furbulous ...

Melanie called last night just before American Idol (yes ... we determine time according to this TV Classic on Tuesdays and Wednesdays ... how do you think Stefani's thoughts of stardom crystallized?) ... to rant and lament about work life at the "bear factory".

It appears that the squeaky clean, berry merry, furbulous place is just a tad too sweet and boring for her tastes. Eight days into excruciatingly slow and nursery rhyme filled sales conversations with her "peers" and she's ready to pull the hair out of her head! And to think that she took out her nose piercing out permanently for those folks.

We've all been there ... realizing we've made a mistake ... appreciating that the grass is definitely not greener ... and wondering what drugs we were on when we thought it was.

My heart went out to her ... she's such a people person and a good manager ... and to find herself already stagnating, not fitting in and so unhappy is sad. Not much I could do or say ... except advise her to put her misgivings aside for a while longer ... things could change, right? And to keep her eyes out for something else ... there's no shame in realizing that despite all the profiling and personality indexes this place used in their hiring process ... she is not a fit!

Doesn't matter how old your kids are ... you still want to fight their battles.

So it's another frigid day here in the Great White North ... to think I had the audacity to use the S word last week (spring). Dave's at work ... Stefani has an ice-skating afternoon at school ... but still wants to go to Scooter's (roller rink) after school as planned with me and Nic. We've invited Maija so it may be another interesting adventure.

------------------------------

So it's much later ... I've fooled around a bit this afternoon ... still finding time to squeeze in two teleconferences for work. It was report card day ... and we were all very proud of Stef who managed 4 A's. A's are hard to come by since Ontario revamped its curriculum!

And if that wasn't enough ... a quick check of my email alerted us to an audition for a commercial tomorrow at 5 PM. Now isn't having an agent grand?

Treated Stef, Nic and J to McDonald's ... and we're preparing to head out to Scooter's for some inline blading fun.

See ... Chester See

I absolutely love this Disney kid ...

Sometimes ...

I wish that my mind was crystal clear and that my writing muse was sparkling and witty and ready to flabber the gast of anyone reading ... that clever titles and puns just poured from my fingertips through the keyboard keys into this little white posting box ...

but alas and alack ... those moments are few and far between ...

and instead I fall back on summarized tidbits of my daily bread life.

I write so that I can remember me ... and not find myself at a loss when the nest finds itself empty. For a mother mothers ... and mothering takes time and energy and effort and focus and sometimes all of me. And a good mother lets go when it's time to let go ... and then what does she do?

Guess it's a combination of the remnants of a conversation online and Dave's musings last night about what he was going to do with himself post-retirement (2010, I believe ... but he's pushed that back a couple of times already ... so I can't be 100% sure) ... that has me pondering what I will do when I grow up? ... when all the children have grown?

Okay ... so I may be starting this a little early to some ... but bear in mind that I have 2 already flown ... 1 nursing his wings but independent nevertheless ... another testing her wings ... another who has flown back to another nest ... and then Stef who's only 8.5 years old going on 35.

I will not be the kind of mother that clips wings or keeps her little ones in the nest for too long. And that ... is a test of will in itself.

But what does a mother do when there's no more or less mothering to fill her time, her life ... mother others? adopt? relax?

Someday I'll figure it out ... and I promise I'll let you know.

Sometimes Mondays are great!

It's Cold with a capital "C" ... minus 18C without wind chill factored in. There's not a cloud in the sky ... and the blue is as blue as a sky ever gets. For those of us who live in the Great White North, we don't have to look at the thermometer or even cross the threshold of the front door after looking out the window onto a clear, crisply blue sky ... we know it means Cold with a capital "C" ... hopefully some clouds will come rolling in later today ... as the news this morning made note of a snow system that is currently covering the north eastern US in white. Apparently they've cancelled all flights to New York ... Baltimore ... Boston leaving Pearson this morning.

Personally I'd prefer the snow to the cold ...

So I'm sitting here ... coffee by my side ... planning the rest of my day. Gotta pick up Stef at 11:30 from school ... she's got an agency audition this afternoon. I was a good girl and got most of my Monday workload taken care of over the weekend. Nic's at work ... J's doing his J thing ... and Dave's focussing on car sales today after having come home from 24 at the firehall.

Though I rant about routine ... there's something rather comforting and peaceful about routine, the familiar, a schedule that unfolds as planned

----------------------------

It's later ... almost time to tuck ourselves into bed. Stefani's audition was amazing ... she now has a big-time Canadian agent.

So ... okay I'm not really objective ... but I did watch 4 cynical business people get wrapped around Stef's little finger. Her cold read even amazed me ... and had these agents applauding and telling her that she was indeed an "actor" ... and that her talent could not be "learnt" it was natural ... they were high-fiving and gushing when 15 minutes prior they were practically yawning and bleary-eyed.

No pressure ... they explained the details of the contract ... had faith that we would sign and return it to their offices ... could hardly wait for us to add their agency information to Stef's castingworkbook folder. As a "stage mother" ... I could hear the cash registers cha-ching-ing in their minds. And lucky for Stef ... that's what you look for in an agent ... someone who knows or thinks they can make $$ having you on their roster!

Another baby-step on the way to stardom! She's got the development deal ... a management contract ... now the agent (and a few "huge-time" US agents waiting til she becomes eligible for an O-Visa).

Next week - professional head shots. Found a few really good head shot photographers through the Actra website ... have booked consultations this week and will go with whomever convinces me that they can capture Stef's essence on film.

Naturally ... we had to celebrate ... so Dave and I took Stef to the Pickle Barrel. Now for those of you who don't know ... the Pickle Barrel, until today, has been a girl's only place (don't think Dave even knew where it was located) ... so it was steak for Dave and Stef ... I had stir fry.

And of course, there were the screaming calls to Mel and Nic to share the good news ... all in all ... a very good day and a great start to the week!

More of the same ...

Been up for hours already ... it's frigid outside (-14 C without wind chill factored in). Drove Nic to work at 7:00 a.m. ... got Dave ready for work right after ... drove Ali (Nic's boyfriend was down from McMaster for the weekend ... did I forget to mention that?) to the Go Station about 15 minutes ago. Have a few hours before I have to go pick Nic up at work ...

I'll have to remind Nic again to go get the paperwork to get her license reinstated (she had her license suspended when she was suffering from fainting spells last year ... but a thorough examination of every inch of her body and brain discovered nothing majorly wrong except for a slight heart murmur to keep an eye on) ... I'd much prefer to give her the car than to play taxi driver.

So outside of a late workshop at 5 p.m. for Stefani and homework supervision ... there's really nothing on my plate today outside of routine stuff: laundry, some cleaning ... maybe some work catch-up.

I like the feeling of having "free" time ... even though it's not really free and passes far too quickly.

Memories of Saturday ...

Yesterday passed in a flash ... up early ... out on the road (sounds more "romantic" than "the Gardiner") by 11:30 a.m ... two workshops for Stefani. During that time, I browsed the art shop next door, wandered the streets to take some photos, read a bit, people watched, chatted with some of the other moms (something I usually avoid ... now I remember why) ...

Then back in the car ... all the way to the other end of Mississauga to Scooter's Roller Palace ... Stefani had a birthday party to attend. I did some grocery shopping while she rolled ... but I managed to get back early to watch her. Supper was home fajitas ... chicken, steak and hamburg.

Laundry ... a movie (old favorite - Jim Carey "Liar, liar") ... and then zzzz's ...