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Guelph Girls

Sunday, January 31, 2010
So ... another weekend draws to a close. It's been a good one ... a tad chilly what with the furnace acting up again ... but when there's enough people around ... the bodies create extra warmth or then again, maybe we're just so busy having fun that we don't notice the chill.

Maija slept over Friday night ... we watched the Squeakal for awhile ... but she wasn't as impressed or as engrossed as she was for the first. I guess even at 3 sequels aren't half as good as the first!! At some point around 11 PM, we invented a version of air hockey played on a white erase board ... and then came some pretty silly lullaby versions of "Hush little baby don't say a word ... Ginga's going to buy you a mockingbird ..." ... we had porcupines and kitty cats and balloons and all kinds of strange new words.

Got her to ballet on time Saturday morning ... Stefani spent the afternoon at Nico's house ... and I caught up on the laundry ... AND brought the library books back to their rightful home!

Today ... Nicole and Laura came down from Guelph. Nic cut Mel's hair ... and then gave Laura highlights and I cooked enough food for an army. Lucky Nic went home with tortilla soup, chicken, pork roast and half the liquor from our over-stocked, under-used supply!

Stefani got her Canada presentation done ... hope she gets a good mark, she certainly worked hard enough! Kyla and Stef just decided to walk to the corner store for some snacks ... gotta nibble on something as we watch the Grammy's.

Oh and yeah ... Stef got a callback tomorrow for that bread product / guitar hero commercial :)

Time surely does fly

Friday, January 29, 2010
Already Friday ... where does the time go? It gets burnt up through all those everyday ordinary tasks ... laundry, housekeeping, cooking, working for $ ... it's a wonder that more of us don't wake up on retirement day wondering where the F$&%k our lives went ...

It's really cold today ... -20 ... brrrrr ... makes hibernation seem like a good idea. There's not even any snow so I can't fool myself into thinking that I love winter by doing something "winter-like".

Maija's coming over for a sleep-over tonight ... we're going to watch the new Alvin & The Chipmunks movie. Kyla's over for the weekend as well. And unless plans change, Nic's coming down from Guelph with her roommate Laura on Sunday. Should be a great weekend!

Stef had a last minute audition yesterday ... for a US commercial. For a bread product ... but the commercial has a "Guitar Hero" theme. Hoping for a callback at least ... we'll see.

Gotta' get that Fan Page up for her ... as well as MySpace or a website via Casting Workbook. But waiting on the final decision re headshot from her agent.

Okay ... time to get some work done! (BTW - library books still have not made it back!)

Everyday ordinary

Wednesday, January 27, 2010
So yesterday's burning question had something to do with overdue items from the library and the local BlockBuster ... oh yes, and a certain mountain of laundry that keeps growing as it waits. Anyone want to venture a guess as to whether I followed through with my good intentions?

Are you kidding? The library books remain untouched (I think there may actually be a thin layer of dust gently coating the book covers) ... the videos remain in my handbag and I know of at least three or four additional pieces of laundry that joined the awaiting pile. The worst is, I don't even really have a good excuse. Time just kinda' slipped away from me.

The chili was delicious ... come to think of it, I didn't even wash all last night's supper dishes. What have I been doing instead?

I couldn't tell you .... just everyday ordinary with some daydreaming. (From the looks of things ... it may be more like daydreaming with some everyday ordinary thrown in for good measure!)

It's much colder today ... earlier when Stefani left for school there were great big snowflakes chasing each other across the sky. Dave's nursing (or should I say milking for all its worth?) a cold ... J had a "bad" day yesterday so he'll probably sleep until noon ... hoping to sleep his life away until he can find some measure of peace and security. I think Mel, Ang and Maija are coming over for a bit today ... they're talking (dreaming) of a Mexican vacation in March or April. Far be it from me to add a spoonful of sense into those daydreams ...

Okay ... so I've made myself feel guilty ... gonna go and get those dishes done, floors swept, surfaces dusted and then hit the office work ... I could be back and then again maybe not.

Ordinary

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
... what makes today the same as any other day and/or different. The routine of life tends to turn the ordinary into a greyish pablum of sorts. Nothing stands out ... everything just flows as it always does (that is, until it stops flowing and then the complaining begins). For now ... everything is flowing.

Just another mild day by Toronto January standards ... busy with work, housework, the day to day. Got nothing to read ... need to get to the library ... I must owe at least $20 for the three books that remain sitting near the front door begging me to take them back. Maybe I'll do that today. (what are the chances I'll actually do it? ... tomorrow will tell). Which reminds me that I have three overdue videos from BlockBuster as well. Harrumpph ... I hate wasting money on late fees ... but I do it over and over again.

Have chili simmering on the stove for supper ... but haven't tackled the mountain of laundry that I know is waiting for me downstairs. Yesterday's excuse was grocery shopping ... what will I dream up today? I know ... I've got to go to the library!!


Smells like spring

Monday, January 25, 2010
Another Monday ... a fresh week lies in front of us all. The weather has turned its dial to mild ... a gentle misty rain fell this morning ... leaving the air smelling like spring. (Have I mentioned that Toronto has no snow on the ground yet this winter?)

Between Dave's return ... a family dinner at Stef and Maija's favorite buffet restaurant - The Mandarin - the weekend ran its course. Stef had an audition on Saturday ... and a head shot session on Sunday.

Got the proofs (not colour corrected as of yet) ... and was taken aback at how much she's changed in nine months. Goes to show that we see the ones we love with our minds' eyes more often than not.

Wanna see?

The shot above was last year's headshot ... taken in May 2009 ...

... and here are the contenders for 2010


Catch up

Friday, January 22, 2010
It's been a great week. Didn't get to the AGO or the ROM as we'd dreamed ... but it was a great week nevertheless. Lots of cuddles, Wii, dinners in bed ... even a "mental health" day off from school. Our plans were derailed by acting, naturally. It's a fact of life around here.

A handful of auditions ... and she booked her first commercial. Auditioned on Monday, heard back on Tuesday and shot on Wednesday. Great script (in the sense that I've seen it done before, and it makes for a great commercial) ... friendly extras and crew. Stefani had a ball!

The audition day didn't go as smoothly. I'd picked her up a little too late from school and was pressed for time heading downtown. Now Toronto has deadzone parking hours - between 3 PM and 5 PM. People are still at work so most of the parking is taken ... and the parking spots that are available can only be paid for until 5 PM (full price mind you ... yup ... the same price those working stiffs paid at 8:30 AM as they headed in to work). Well ... we couldn't find a spot anywhere ... and brilliant me, decided to dare to park on the street ... not any street ... King Street. Another important tidbit of information: all major streets allow no street parking between 4 PM and 6 PM (rush hour).

I decided to take the gamble that we'd be in and out of there in 15 minutes ... and the building was within sight of the parking spot I chose. In and out was about 25 minutes and upon exiting the building ... what did I see? A tow truck in front of my car!!! Stef and I booted it across the street and threw ourselves at the mercy of the smirking parking cop and the tow truck attendant. It took them a while but they crumbled (probably due to the fact that poor Stef was freaking and crying). When we'd arrived the car was already hoisted ... and probably had already been called in to the impound lot ... but ... Stef saved the day!

And I learned a lesson ... I won't be doing that anymore!

Melanie was released ... and seems to have stabilized somewhat. I went over to her house yesterday to give it a clean (they still had Christmas decorations and their tree up). I truly believe that a state of mind can be affected by the state of order or disorder surrounding you and vice versa.

Dave comes home tonight ... I'm picking him up at the airport at 2 AM. Stef's got an audition Saturday afternoon ... and getting new head shots on Sunday ... so the weekend is already looking pretty booked.

So today's catch up day for me ....

All the things we said ...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I've always been a sucker for a pretty voice ... and a great song!

Is there order in chaos?

Saturday, January 16, 2010
For someone who has considered herself, somewhat more creative than the average human, I've got to admit that I'm much more linear than I'd like to admit. I confess that I've smugly admired the "mess" of my home office or less than pristine home at times because these disheveled states of disorder proved to me somehow that I was creative and not one of "those" (sneer) logical, linear thinkers. Of course, to feel that smug, I naturally chose to forget that I've excelled at event and project management ... work that depends on attention to detail, linear critical paths ...

oh brother ... I'm just another sheep in wolf's clothing ... a linear, logical person masquerading as a creative, free spirit. (I guess that makes me a slob as well)

So where did these thoughts spring from? I noticed that I was trying to sort responses into some kind of order: where should I post my reply? what should I respond to first?

Hey ... maybe that's been my biggest problem all along ... trying to order chaos ... unable to let go and go with the flow

Dave left for his yearly guys' golf trip yesterday (I think there's close to 30 of them this year) ... I love this week ... it's as much a "vacation" for me as it is for him. It's a slumming, play it by ear week for Stef and I. On the agenda ... the ROM and the AGO ... the when is unsure. We've got to be downtown on Monday for an audition, the ROM would be a good idea after that with maybe supper at some new place before that. We'll see ...

Daytime snoozing

Tuesday, January 12, 2010
It's so quiet, I can hear the gears churning as I think. After close to a month of daily noise and chaos ... I'm somewhat taken aback this morning by the silence. I can hear the click,clicking of my fingers on the keyboard echo through the room ... and I'd forgotten the sounds the house makes when it's cold outside.

Woke up with a headache this morning ... I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. And, I've been fighting the impulse to curl back under the covers all morning. I've been having this debate for the last hour or so ... you know one cartoonish good Gail on one shoulder ... another more devilish one on the other ... yes, no, yes, no ...

Heck ... here I am blogging about it ... guess who won?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Writing for posterity ...

Monday, January 11, 2010

i wonder if those of us who do a lot of writing for posterity do it because we have egos or hearts or minds or some part or a combination of all that want more attention than they get or because we have a timeless collective consciousness sense of sharing with humanity and instinctively know that until cellular memory is tapped into, recorded history is the best way to pass along knowledge, experience, and life to others..


I guess there’s more than one way to write for posterity ... depending on how literally or figuratively you want to look at it. I may not put down into black words on white paper (or the technological equivalent) the story of my life. But I am writing my life for posterity, nevertheless. My life story lives within the DNA passed on to my children, in the memories forged: remembered or forgotten, in the lives I've changed along the way: good or bad, in my carbon footprint if nothing else ...

We do what we can with the hand we've been dealt ... and all of us have a yearning to write it all down for posterity. Be it recorded on paper, on blogs or in journals ... or through family life. Those who literally write ... yearn for partners or children or family. Those who have family ... yearn for time to write.

The life written by the writer ... is a personal story written in the first person ... deep and in depth ... a documentary examining details and minutia. The life written by the other ... is a compilation of short stories, tidbits from here and there ...

I'm not saying anything new ... and I realize that neither option is better than the other. But I do know that I've spent a lot of time, pining for the time and energy to write at will. But who was I fooling? That was simply a case of the "grass being greener" ... I wouldn't trade this hand of mine. I've been playing it for far too long ...

Sunday, Sunday ...

Sunday, January 10, 2010
... so the day begain, cold and icy as the alarm clock shrilled at 7:30 am (mind you ... Nic guilted me into playing wii with her until at least 1:30 am ... and though I do not believe all the notions of growing old ... this body does need a little more than 6 hours of sleep to function at its peak ... after more than a week of going to bed closer to 2:00 am) ...

... got Nicole to Guelph safely ... took her grocery shopping ... and then headed home with Mel. Did Mel's laundry while the girls (Kyla was down for the weekend as well) played Scrabble ... and then, of course, the necessary Band Hero. I've gotta' admit ... I kinda' like being a rock star for an hour or two ... I play a mean guitar :)

Pizza for supper ... got Melanie back to the ward ... picked up some groceries to make it through the week. Kyla and Stefani went to see the "new" Alvin & The Chipmunks movie ... Dave's gone to pick them up. I'm unwinding here ...

I've made it through the weekend without biting anyone's head off ... BUT ... there's some bitter anger broiling just beneath the surface.


Weekends ...

Saturday, January 9, 2010
gotta love them ... mini breaks from reality or the day-to-day drudgery of the work week ... or so I like to fool myself. Sometimes I think, that more work actually gets done on Saturday than the whole week combined ... housework and family work that is.

10 loads of laundry today ... folded, some ironed and all put away. Floors. Dusting. Dishes. A handful of "taxi" rides. Half of a report for work. Meals. Cleaned the hamster cage.

And in between all that and more ... I managed to play Band Hero and Super Mario with the kids.

Tomorrow, I'm driving Nic to Guelph ... it's back to school for her. Mel's got a day pass so she'll come along for the ride. Maybe I'll get some rest in there somewhere ...

TGIF?

Friday, January 8, 2010
Thank god it's Friday?

To tell you the truth, I'm more of a TGIM (as in thank god it's Monday) person myself ... and if I ever sank so low as to complain about Monday ... I was lying.
Friday signals the end of a week drawing to its close ... and I've never really liked endings ... prefer beginnings ... fresh starts. (and please don't tell me that beginnings are built on endings ... I know, I know ... I just don't wish to stuck talking about endings) ...
Monday is like a fresh page in a notebook ... a new canvas on the easel ... I'm sure you get my drift.

Speaking of endings and beginnings ... I found myself thinking about family as I was knitting away in bed last night (a winter hat, in case you're curious) watching Law and Order SVU trying, without much success, to keep my mind from going anywhere too deep. (You'd think with all that activity that I would have been successful ... harrumph)

Somewhere, at some point in my musings ... I realized that I am in mourning. Mourning the "old" Jonathan and the "old" Melanie ... realizing that some of the characteristics that made them both so special and delightful ... are now categorized as symptoms of their disease. The drugs prescribed have dampened their spirits, dulled their eyes and changed "them" ...

And I am unsure of who these new people are ...
And I miss their "spark" ...

I hate this disease ... I hate its "remedy" ...

Just another reason to dislike Fridays ....




Two posts in one day?

Thursday, January 7, 2010
... and in less than two hours? Oh no, it's the "feast or famine" syndrome rearing its ugly head again!!
... just thought I'd pick a new template for a new year ...

How does that happen?

Nine months have flown by !! I knew that I had sadly neglected this blog and my ramblings ... but a whole nine months?? It's a shame ... so much has happened ... so many memories that didn't get posted for posterity's sake ...

But that's what New Year's resolutions are for? Right? ... (are you laughing along with me? I hope you are ...) Okay ... so here's hoping that 2010 is the year I manage to stick to my guns and visit this place regularly.

To tell you the truth, I almost succumbed to a habit of mine ... that of abandoning what had been started and starting anew somewhere else. And yes, I went so far as to create a new blog and a different blog site ... named it and all ... picked out a fancy theme ... and yes ... wrote a draft first posting. But the words weren't flowing and I felt like a traitor ...

So I came back ... like the cat (well not exactly like the cat ... because the cat came back the very next day ... and well there's no way in any stretch of the imagination that I can make manipulate nine months into becoming a day) ... and there's a certain satisfaction in knowing that this nine month silence does accurately depict me and my state of being. For I've been know to drop out or drop off the face of the earth for a spell or two ...

So here I am ... back again ... for however long I manage to keep this promise to myself.

So how does this happen? It's the same old story ... life gets the better of me ... and I put it off once for a day or two ... which stretches into a week .... then two months ... and then even the thought is buried so deep under the to-do lists of life that it takes some kind of earthquake or cleansing to remember ... or something like that.

I seem to come back to the written word whenever stress hits me in the face. This time it's Mel ... recently diagnosed as bi-polar (that makes two ... and one not diagnosed, yet BP for sure) and back in the psych ward for the second time.

It's funny how us humans adjust to just about anything ... for on one level I'm taking all of this in stride ... been there, done that ... but I know that just below the surface a seething cauldron of stress, anxiety and questions bubble and toil.

I can't help thinking about Maija's comment spoken when she overheard that Mel was in the hospital. She looked at her dad and said, "Mom's in the hospital?" ... and waited for his reply. She walked over to Ang and said, "Do you work today Dad?" (he works at the airport in logistics) ... when he said "yes" ... she looked at him really seriously and said, "well, then be careful, don't get hit by a plane."

Guess you had to be there.

So what else is new? Finally heard from Will after a six month silence (like mother, like son), Stefani was the lead in a feature this summer and a few indie shorts headed for festivals ... the last nine months have been crazy busy for our little movie star ... Nic made it through first semester at Guelph U ... and transfered into Arts & Sciences (she was in Arts) for semester Two ... Jonathan seems to have more good days than bad ... but still lives in his own world ... Dave's retiring this September ... and I'm ...

the glue that holds it all together?

I guess that's what makes me come back when things are tougher ... for a reality check ... or a means to prove to myself that things aren't all that bad ... that there is light at the end of the tunnel ...

We'll see ....

I'm glad to be back ...